TSP 2

It was simple, really, Simple and foolproof, if she did say so herself. Which she did, many times, to herself. No crushes, no dating, no marriage. Even at seven, she was no fool. Romance required at least some heartbreak, and while she liked to pretend otherwise, she knew she was delicate. Better just to stay away from the idea entirely than risk a little bit of hurt.

As if it didn’t hurt. Coping mechanisms have a tendency to be self-destructive, easy to acquire, and tough to beat. Trying to beat the desire to be desired out of your system took many blows from a heavy sledge. In her case, that sledge was the repeated reasons of why she deemed herself undesirable. 

It hurt, having to repeat every so often, lying awake at night staring at the ceiling, ignoring pangs in her chest. But it worked. It was supposed to.

And then she got sloppy, that was the only reason she could think of. She slipped up, and now she was about to pay dearly. 

:::

continuation of my story I'm writing. about myself. 

good lord guys I'm tired. I didn't mean to leave a three part assignment until the night before. but.




uggggghhhhhhhhhhhhh I don't even wanna take a shower.
fuck.

TSP 1

It was never supposed to happen. It was never the kind of thing that could happen. At least, to her. She didn’t get to get this. 

And yet. Sitting there in the hatch of her car on a hot, hot day, she felt her heart beating heavy and fought to focus on putting words on the screen. 

I don’t want to admit that I know what this is but I think I might. She wanted to blame the beat in her chest on the fact that she refused to open any windows in her dark car, but didn’t have it in her anymore to lie.

Oh my God, she thought to herself in hot and heavy silence. How did I let it get this far. A knock from outside called her crawling into the cooler heat and hoping the church lights were off, desperately trying to put her unnerving discovery behind her.

:::

So......

I'm writing something. Trying to navigate, I guess. I wanna post it so I'mma post it here where there's the option for other people to see it but in truth no one will.

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